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I’m a new soul January 2, 2009

Posted by Girlbird in aspirations and dreams, life.
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siriivy2

This has NOTHING to do with the new year. I don’t exactly believe in new year’s resolutions, because I think you shouldn’t only make them in the new year, you should always be trying to life your life more fully (I find that mantra hard to live up to, though!)

However,  I am “re-vivifying” my life. No more pining away for boys who don’t appreciate me, or who broke my heart ages ago. No more pining away for boys in general, actually. When it is right, I think I will know it is, and there won’t be any moping about and mindless wishing.

I still have a lot of, well, frankly, a lot of bullshit to work through, still. Family issues,friendships, insecurity, and the like, but I am finally incensed to really do something about it, but not fret too much over the relationships that aren’t working out. After all, there is only so much you can do if the other person isn’t willing.

I realize that since I’m a new blogger, few people reading this will really understand, but there would be so much to cover, and frankly I’m ready to move on. =)

I realized today – well, the thought process started around 2 in the morning, actually, but I realized that

A) Any guy who does not appreciate me for who I am is not worth my time and effort, and though it may suck, and hurt, I will find someone better down the line if I just relax and not worry about it,

and

B)I have so much more potential when it came to doing the things I want to then I give myself credit for. I’ve always had these interests in things like art and fashion design and photography and digital art – but lately, the last four, five, six years have been focused on school and acting and dance, writing the occasional song on the guitar, which is fine, but then I have all this other time that I waste on the computer, or being depressed and worrying, etc, etc. Granted, with photography, I will be spending just as much time on the computer, but it will be working to CREATE something, so it’s okay.

and

C) I can move on and grow out of my insecurities if I only put my mind to it and work on letting go of them. Perhaps by letting go of my worries, and my weird negative obsessions, I will naturally become (and feel like) a much more vibrant and pleasant person to be around. This wall that I apparently put up that pushes people away – perhaps that will self-destruct with time. I hope so.

In other news, I got a camera for Christmas! It is a Kodak EasyShare Z1012 IS and freaking gorgeous! Here it is. It’s got lots of megapixels and a pretty awesome autofocus (I’d prefer a manual, but this will do for now) and I love it. Pictures coming soon. Also, here’s a link to my deviantart: http://www.girl-bird.deviantart.com, where I’ve posted some of my stuff (some of it is from this summer on our crappy digicam, though)

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Comments»

1. karlinanie - January 2, 2009

Hey this was a good post. I am going through a divorce, starting over and can totally relate. I’ve spent the last year reading books like “New Earth” and really trying to focus on living in the present, letting things happen as they may instead of trying to force everything. It’s funny, I was just listening to an old Allanis Morriset song…something about “the minute I let go, I got more than I could handle” anyway, not sure I got that for 100% but that was the poing….I literally started laughling out loud….It’s taken me a long time to realize that simple truth.

Anyway have a great 2009!

Girlbird - January 2, 2009

Thank you! It’s been a hard fall and I am DETERMINED to rise from the ashes. Even thinking about it just makes me that much lighter. I’m glad we can relate. =) And also that someone stumbled upon my blog.

2. featherbookseries - January 2, 2009

You should check out “the life I was born to live.” I love that book, it tells you what “life” you’re in, and whether or not you’re a new, or old soul. Personally, I think you’re an old soul. You seem way too articulate for your age, and should really look into writing, seriously…

Nice camera too, perhaps graphic design is your alley… and of course photog, but looks like graphic design to me

3. featherbookseries - January 2, 2009

also look into getting a gorilla pod from Joby for your cam. I just got my bro one, and he loves it. He likes taking pictures from trees and it works like a charm. I’m getting one for my husband as well, I totally love them

Girlbird - January 2, 2009

Hahah thank you. I suppose I usually interpret new soul to mean a soul re-born, but I see what you mean. I do like to dabble in writing, mostly poetry and fanfiction, though. =) And graphic design? Hmm, I wonder…


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