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sad story, self #2 April 8, 2009

Posted by Girlbird in life, poetry, writing.
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2 comments

She wears her suffering like a crown:
Garlanded in sacrifice
Ornamented in hope –
But mostly there is sorrow there.
There is pain, there.

And it is pain that consumes her,
When the lights flicker low as Evening goes to his lover.
And then again –
Rising after a sleepless night
With the sun, an indifferent ruler who seeks to scorch his subjects with his
Cheap brilliance,
It is there.

For although she rises up
Singing,
like Ira predicted
It is not a song extolling freedom
But rather, in praise of her self-crafted
(Though admittedly haphazard)
Shackles.

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sad story, self #1 April 8, 2009

Posted by Girlbird in life, poetry, relationships, writing.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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What she hates most is the
bitter fact:
there is no one to blame, really,
but herself.

After all.
It was she who built the cage,
And, sleepless,
reached around the bars
to turn the key in the old, rusty lock — yes.

Baby did it,
all by herself.

Measures January 25, 2009

Posted by Girlbird in aspirations and dreams, life, love, prose and short stories, writing.
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2 comments

Have you ever wanted something so much, she mused, that it made you want to burst into tears… but at the same time it was so wonderful that you couldn’t really cry over it? That you reveled in your sadness?

He looked at her then as she sat turned a little away from him, silhouetted against the stars, her skin illuminated by the moon, hair intertwined with the same light. With her flowered dress and her bare feet, wet from the dew soaking the grass, she looked like one of those dryads or whatever that he had read about in the fourth grade. He breathed. She, this scene, the question she had just asked was every cliché he’d ever read or watched, but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to care. Although he was the boy who tried to escape every expectation, every social grace, every conformity, every Hollywood theme, somehow in doing this he became the very ultimatum of the classic social rebel.

She looked back at him, lounging in the wet grass, his long limbs stretched out and his head thrown back as if he hadn’t a care in the world. She took in a breath. Through the ragged locks of hair that flopped over his forehead, his eyes appraised her, and for once they weren’t filled with a bitter, biting cynicism. There was no curtain there tonight. They were piercing, certainly, but for once it was as if he was really looking at her for the first time, and perhaps he liked what he saw.

She blushed and lowered her gaze, seeing the unspoken answer in his silence.

Have you ever felt that something was so wrong for you and so right at the same time? she asked then, her heart pounding.

He shrugged and tipped his head back up to look at the sky. Is anything every really… right? Or wrong? How can anyone judge that?

She trembled. There has to be some measure of it.

He shook his head. Sometimes people set too much in store by rules. You get too caught up in rubrics and precedents and measuring cups.

But without measures, how could anyone have goals? How could we move forward? How can we decide what we truly want, making choices, if there’s no way of determining which is better?

He could see she was nearly crying now, for although her face was darkened by the night, he saw the tears glistening on her cheeks and heard the hysteria building in her voice.

Hey, he said softly, as if speaking to the stray and skittish dogs he had used to work with at the local animal shelter, sitting up. Come here. She scooted forward, and he took her hand and placed it against his chest, over his heart.

Her fingers curled and she closed her eyes, feeling the quickening pulsing beat radiating through her skin and down her bones. She looked at him questioningly, their breaths mingling. He pressed her hand closer and met her gaze.

This is how we tell.

learning January 3, 2009

Posted by Girlbird in life, love, poetry, Uncategorized.
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3 comments
ahahah it's me all over.

ahahah it's me all over.

won’t you make my heart grow
faster?
won’t you make my soul fly
higher?
won’t you make my dreams linger
longer?
I thought you would.
I thought you could.

but you made my heart falter
sooner
and my soul sink
lower
and my dreams flicker
sooner
because you wouldn’t.
because you couldn’t.

but now my heart is growing
wiser
and my soul is gliding
smoother
and my dreams taste
sweeter
because I will.
because I can.

I’m a new soul January 2, 2009

Posted by Girlbird in aspirations and dreams, life.
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5 comments

siriivy2

This has NOTHING to do with the new year. I don’t exactly believe in new year’s resolutions, because I think you shouldn’t only make them in the new year, you should always be trying to life your life more fully (I find that mantra hard to live up to, though!)

However,  I am “re-vivifying” my life. No more pining away for boys who don’t appreciate me, or who broke my heart ages ago. No more pining away for boys in general, actually. When it is right, I think I will know it is, and there won’t be any moping about and mindless wishing.

I still have a lot of, well, frankly, a lot of bullshit to work through, still. Family issues,friendships, insecurity, and the like, but I am finally incensed to really do something about it, but not fret too much over the relationships that aren’t working out. After all, there is only so much you can do if the other person isn’t willing.

I realize that since I’m a new blogger, few people reading this will really understand, but there would be so much to cover, and frankly I’m ready to move on. =)

I realized today – well, the thought process started around 2 in the morning, actually, but I realized that

A) Any guy who does not appreciate me for who I am is not worth my time and effort, and though it may suck, and hurt, I will find someone better down the line if I just relax and not worry about it,

and

B)I have so much more potential when it came to doing the things I want to then I give myself credit for. I’ve always had these interests in things like art and fashion design and photography and digital art – but lately, the last four, five, six years have been focused on school and acting and dance, writing the occasional song on the guitar, which is fine, but then I have all this other time that I waste on the computer, or being depressed and worrying, etc, etc. Granted, with photography, I will be spending just as much time on the computer, but it will be working to CREATE something, so it’s okay.

and

C) I can move on and grow out of my insecurities if I only put my mind to it and work on letting go of them. Perhaps by letting go of my worries, and my weird negative obsessions, I will naturally become (and feel like) a much more vibrant and pleasant person to be around. This wall that I apparently put up that pushes people away – perhaps that will self-destruct with time. I hope so.

In other news, I got a camera for Christmas! It is a Kodak EasyShare Z1012 IS and freaking gorgeous! Here it is. It’s got lots of megapixels and a pretty awesome autofocus (I’d prefer a manual, but this will do for now) and I love it. Pictures coming soon. Also, here’s a link to my deviantart: http://www.girl-bird.deviantart.com, where I’ve posted some of my stuff (some of it is from this summer on our crappy digicam, though)

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