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I’m a new soul January 2, 2009

Posted by Girlbird in aspirations and dreams, life.
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This has NOTHING to do with the new year. I don’t exactly believe in new year’s resolutions, because I think you shouldn’t only make them in the new year, you should always be trying to life your life more fully (I find that mantra hard to live up to, though!)

However,  I am “re-vivifying” my life. No more pining away for boys who don’t appreciate me, or who broke my heart ages ago. No more pining away for boys in general, actually. When it is right, I think I will know it is, and there won’t be any moping about and mindless wishing.

I still have a lot of, well, frankly, a lot of bullshit to work through, still. Family issues,friendships, insecurity, and the like, but I am finally incensed to really do something about it, but not fret too much over the relationships that aren’t working out. After all, there is only so much you can do if the other person isn’t willing.

I realize that since I’m a new blogger, few people reading this will really understand, but there would be so much to cover, and frankly I’m ready to move on. =)

I realized today – well, the thought process started around 2 in the morning, actually, but I realized that

A) Any guy who does not appreciate me for who I am is not worth my time and effort, and though it may suck, and hurt, I will find someone better down the line if I just relax and not worry about it,


B)I have so much more potential when it came to doing the things I want to then I give myself credit for. I’ve always had these interests in things like art and fashion design and photography and digital art – but lately, the last four, five, six years have been focused on school and acting and dance, writing the occasional song on the guitar, which is fine, but then I have all this other time that I waste on the computer, or being depressed and worrying, etc, etc. Granted, with photography, I will be spending just as much time on the computer, but it will be working to CREATE something, so it’s okay.


C) I can move on and grow out of my insecurities if I only put my mind to it and work on letting go of them. Perhaps by letting go of my worries, and my weird negative obsessions, I will naturally become (and feel like) a much more vibrant and pleasant person to be around. This wall that I apparently put up that pushes people away – perhaps that will self-destruct with time. I hope so.

In other news, I got a camera for Christmas! It is a Kodak EasyShare Z1012 IS and freaking gorgeous! Here it is. It’s got lots of megapixels and a pretty awesome autofocus (I’d prefer a manual, but this will do for now) and I love it. Pictures coming soon. Also, here’s a link to my deviantart: http://www.girl-bird.deviantart.com, where I’ve posted some of my stuff (some of it is from this summer on our crappy digicam, though)



so here I am, it’s 10 pm December 5, 2008

Posted by Girlbird in Uncategorized.
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there aint no use in turning on your light babe, Im on the dark side of the road

there ain't no use in turning on your light babe, I'm on the dark side of the road

… and Bob Dylan is just about perfect for right now. What is it about that man? I didn’t grow up listening to him, for some reason, and when I first heard him a few years ago, I was a little apprehensive. But soon, I was captivated by his voice. And the fact that his most biting put-down songs (Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright, esp.)  just speak to me in a way that hurts, and yet is so honest that I can’t help but fall in love with it.

Anyway, upon starting a blog, I’m totally at a loss about what to write about for a first post. Do I introduce myself? How am I supposed to make this entertaining? I think this whole blog attempt might turn out to be a big fail. But at least I had fun making the darn thing, right?

Oh goodness. It would be so much easier if my digital camera hadn’t broked. =/ All I want to do is take pictures of clothing combinations or something and write a fashion blog or something,but no camera. Just the one on my computer. Arghalaroo… Oh, and my family has an old film camera that I really want to fix up and try to use. I think it would be fun to do – the art of photography as it used to be – think darkrooms and chemicals and spontaniety –  seems to be dying as the world goes digital.  And I think it’s really deppressing… because as much as I love digital everything, with photography… since you can look at the picture right after you take it, you can spend time getting the perfect shot, and a good photo is therefore a lot easier to obtain. It seems to me that there is a certain spontaneity of old photographs, since getting a good shot is a lot rarer – there’s no way of knowing how your photographs are going to turn out.

like this? thats beautiful.

like this? that's beautiful.

or this... (folk music icons are the order of the night, it seems)

or this... (folk music icons are the order of the night, it seems)

Well, anyway. Something to add to my never-ending list of goals and aspirations and projects to accomplish. ‘Cause I don’t have enough of those, you know.

I think I am going to end this ramble before it gets out of hand. I promise, the next post will actually have structure. (Not that there is anyone reading this blog at the moment. Hah. So I am basically sitting here ranting myself. How very fitting.)