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I’m a new soul January 2, 2009

Posted by Girlbird in aspirations and dreams, life.
Tags: , , , , ,
5 comments

siriivy2

This has NOTHING to do with the new year. I don’t exactly believe in new year’s resolutions, because I think you shouldn’t only make them in the new year, you should always be trying to life your life more fully (I find that mantra hard to live up to, though!)

However,  I am “re-vivifying” my life. No more pining away for boys who don’t appreciate me, or who broke my heart ages ago. No more pining away for boys in general, actually. When it is right, I think I will know it is, and there won’t be any moping about and mindless wishing.

I still have a lot of, well, frankly, a lot of bullshit to work through, still. Family issues,friendships, insecurity, and the like, but I am finally incensed to really do something about it, but not fret too much over the relationships that aren’t working out. After all, there is only so much you can do if the other person isn’t willing.

I realize that since I’m a new blogger, few people reading this will really understand, but there would be so much to cover, and frankly I’m ready to move on. =)

I realized today – well, the thought process started around 2 in the morning, actually, but I realized that

A) Any guy who does not appreciate me for who I am is not worth my time and effort, and though it may suck, and hurt, I will find someone better down the line if I just relax and not worry about it,

and

B)I have so much more potential when it came to doing the things I want to then I give myself credit for. I’ve always had these interests in things like art and fashion design and photography and digital art – but lately, the last four, five, six years have been focused on school and acting and dance, writing the occasional song on the guitar, which is fine, but then I have all this other time that I waste on the computer, or being depressed and worrying, etc, etc. Granted, with photography, I will be spending just as much time on the computer, but it will be working to CREATE something, so it’s okay.

and

C) I can move on and grow out of my insecurities if I only put my mind to it and work on letting go of them. Perhaps by letting go of my worries, and my weird negative obsessions, I will naturally become (and feel like) a much more vibrant and pleasant person to be around. This wall that I apparently put up that pushes people away – perhaps that will self-destruct with time. I hope so.

In other news, I got a camera for Christmas! It is a Kodak EasyShare Z1012 IS and freaking gorgeous! Here it is. It’s got lots of megapixels and a pretty awesome autofocus (I’d prefer a manual, but this will do for now) and I love it. Pictures coming soon. Also, here’s a link to my deviantart: http://www.girl-bird.deviantart.com, where I’ve posted some of my stuff (some of it is from this summer on our crappy digicam, though)

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